Memoirs of A Mother’s Love

Monday, February 16, 2009

Shane Cody Faircloth

So Brian I think I left off with the all the changes that came about for you, me and Shane; and on February 20, 1994 your baby brother, Shane Cody Faircloth was born at 8:39 am at Cape Fear Valley Medical Center. He was a little guy only weighing in at 5 lbs 7 oz and 20 inches long. Boy what a time for us than, huh? My little one, Mr. Cody, on this Sunday it was nice and sunny with 75 degrees outside! Not that we seen it LOL.... On the radio this month the chart topper was, "The Sign" by Ace of Base. You were such a cute little baby- your skin color was the nicest and your skin so smooth, you didn't look all wrinkled and smushed up LOL!! I loved you from the moment my eyes hit yours! My beautiful little one! You were such a good baby, you brough more life to our little family and much happiness.... you even made a good big brother out of Brian :) Til next time boys, remember I love you both.................

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Hey so sorry I have neglected the page, boys, been working a litte hard this past week. Well to continue on. Brian after you turned a year old your dad returned from the middle east and left the military. We moved with him back to his home town of Taylor, Michigan. Well wow what an experience! This is when all things finally hit home and I just knew this would never be the right place for you at all, so off we packed up again and moved back home to NC to warmer weather and almost constantly sunny skies! And you know what? While Fayetteville may not be the greatest place, there is no other state that can beat the color of the Carolina Blue sky! So with that said, you and I came back after a very hard and emotional time while away, we went to stay with your Aunt Trish and I went to work as soon as possible. Things were pretty good for you and me, we didn't have alot of time together, I worked alot, but Trish was there for you and for that I am ever so grateful that you spent minimal time in daycares. I did date during this time but nothing serious until 1993 when Shane came into me and your lives and bringing about yet more change for me and you! I know there is history between you and he Shane but in the beginning things were good, Brian. He was good to me and you and wanted to be there for us, not just me, and that was very important to me. I wanted that for us, a family. And that is what we got! So just going down memory lane again before I continue with more, I add this picture that will take you back!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

So Brian I show you the picture of your first B-day! Alot has happened in this year especially! We had a lot of ups and downs, you and me, but we made it, gratefully! Your first year was very hard for you, being sick and trying to just catch up to other babies your age, your dad was away fighting in the Persian Gulf and it was you and me, and my family. You were so loved and so spoiled during this first year of your life. Again alot happened for you in all of this, things were slow going for you with therapy and all, but your Aunt Diana worked with you constantly helping you, teaching you to sit up, to play, to reach, to stand. You were amazing to me, I watched you grow so fast during this time and to see you make it this far was terrific! Don't get me wrong I had a ton of help in all of this. Your Aunt Trish was right by your side with me most times and if I was not there for you, she was, she was like the second mom to you. I dont have much more to say about this year, but I wanted you to know just the joy and happiness you did bring to me.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

So this is you, Brian, on the afternoon of February 3,1990. You came into this world 14 weeks early and weighing in at a whopping 4lbs 3oz at Womack Army Hospital when they weighed you. You measured a length of only 16 inches. A little tiny guy you were. So hmm what was on the radio that week? I was listening to the likes of Black Velvet, Love Will Lead You Back, Rhythm Nation, Escapade, All Or Nothing, some old tunes there :) The weather on this day was 75 degrees and sunny skies! Nice, beautiful day. Your grandparents, aunts and uncles were called to help welcome you to this world. While a happy day to see you, to meet you, to look in those eyes of yours, it was also a somber day, because no one knew what would happen, the doctors were so worried and not equipped to handle a baby with your needs, so scheduled a med vac to take you to Cape Fear Valley Hospital in Fayetteville to their NICU ward. We were able to only see you a few moments until you were taken away. I cried, I had no clue what was going on and wanted to go and be with you, they assured me the doctor's and nurse's would call me as soon as you were seen and settled in. Your father went, could not ride with you but met the helicopter at the hospital. I was taken to the ward and was told that I could not leave until the next day, I pitched a huge fit of wanting to leave, but had a temperature, they assured me if my temp went down I could leave.....needless to say I didn't stay, I asked to leave to go smoke, and they let me, and just detoured right out of the hospital to the parking lot to a taxi. No money, nothing but I promised him he would get paid at the hospital! I arrived to see you, your grandparents were there but your dad had left. I was taken in to see you and was confused with all the procedures that I had to go through to see you, all that had to be done to just get in to see you. It was sooo hard seeing you as you lay there, with tubes all over your tiny little body, and than to have the doctors telling me how grave all things looked, you had already lost weight, things were not looking good, as your lungs were never developed, but there were things they could do but to let me know that nothing was for sure or given. It was hard, I sat there and watched you, the machines beeping and going off I was so scared, no one ever could of told me about love at all and for me to understand until that moment, when I saw you laying there fighting for your life. I prayed and likely this was the first time in my life I truly prayed, Brian. I will say this it was a rough 3 months for you, up and down, it was an emotional time in my life as well but you got to come home right before Mother's Day, 3 months after you were born. You were known as the million dollar baby, but I had to believe in miracles, as you were my little miracle that made it in this fight and you WON!

Monday, January 19, 2009

February 2,1990- As I said before Brian's dad still very much enjoyed the party life, so I was not feeling to good on this night as it was, so he decided it would be much better to have friends over. I tried to be nice, tried to be social, but I felt bad, I needed to rest and just couldn't with all that were over there. His friends finally noticed this and decided it would be best to go and this of course lead to a fight between us because he could not be with his friends. I will just say in trying to get to bed, I had a "series" of "falls" and "bumping" into things. Finally in bed I lay there after midnight hurting and worried that something was wrong- I knew this was to early to be happening, and told him I really should go to the doctor, he told me to wait until the morning. The pains went away long enough to get a few hours sleep. Now on this day- February 3, 1990 I awoke to blue skies, the sun shining and a rather warm day for February- it was beautiful, but I awoke with pains still. I told him that I should really go to the doctor, he again told me to lay down that it was way to early for any of that, and I was just stressing out, he said he was going to play basketball with his friends and would return later. So there I was all alone, worried, hurting and with no way to go, no phone to contact anyone if anything happened. I tried laying down, the pain was even more intense, I thought maybe a hot bath would help me to relax and take the pain away! Ha! At that age I didn't know that a bath would intensify labor pains! Needless to say, out of the bath laying on the floor holding myself as I didn't know what was going on, I was scared and crying, not sure of what in the hell would happen next. My water broke and than I lost it! But amazing I look up and his dad is standing there, with my clothes and trying to get me up and dressed, don't know how it happened, but within minutes I was being carried out to the car ( and what a car, damn I still miss that car!! LOL 1985 Mustang GT beautiful) . The ride was like a blur, kind of comical to be honest, I threw my feet to the dash board, had pulled my pants down, not pushing at all but this baby was coming! Now remember I am only 24-26 weeks along. Sooo the ride as I said was fast, I could actually feel the baby's head, I was scared, he was screaming and driving too- again comical at best if seen from others. We pull up to the front of the emergency room entrance at the hospital and I told him don't leave, he says I am getting the doctors.... so my son- as your father went in the hospital, you decided to make your final push into this world- and no less in the front seat of this beautiful mustang!!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Hi! So today I am going to start with just a little bit of history behind things with my first born son, Brian. I met Brian's dad through a large picnic that is basically a huge party that is put on at Fort Bragg, NC every year. I was there with friends and he was with his friends- love at first sight? Ha yeah right, this was lust at first sight! In fact funny enough we had a run in the year before at the same place, same picnic- but this year was different, he approached me, we talked and made plans to go out. We began dating and things happened just so fast, it was all a party life to be honest, and than one day he was leaving for the field and we both realized that I was late. Soo what do we do, we go and get a pregnancy test, we waited all day long, both actually pretty excited, it was weird. Scared and excited at the same time, talking about things in the future and what not, and the next morning woke up he had to be back at the base to leave with his company so we did the test first thing- umm yeah well not only did the little stick turn blue but the whole test turned blue- POSITIVE result. Wow talk about a rush, he had to be at base so we hurried and got him there, while driving he assured me he would be back, that he was not going to leave me, as unfortunately many a military man has done in the past to pregnant girls in this town. I was ok because deep down I always knew I was one that can and would take care of myself. So while he was gone, I was thinking alot and was like I don't want to stick him with this, we don't know one another that well, it would be best to just end things and go about our lives. Well that is not what happened, he returned from the field immediately came out to see me, lots of letters in hand that he had written to me and to our child, he wanted to be there for the both of us, do right by us and have a family. So long story short, we decided to stick this out, work things out together and get married! Just for all people out there that think marrying is the best way to handle an unexpected pregnancy- its NOT! We didn't know one another, there was so much that we were so different on- he wanted to do right, but yet wanted that party and bachelor life, I tried to move away from the relationship several times up until the day even that we were married. Time line: am at December 1989. Again soo soo many differences that we both didn't know about one another, you know those unhealthy type relationships that you just can't seem to get away from? Yeah well this one was classic. Here we were two very very young people, married to total strangers. I was 19 at this time and he was 22. Well I am not going to go into a long drama of me and him but just to say that this relationship ended very badly and was very abusive, unsettling and stressful. I was approximately 18 or so weeks pregnant when we got married, and moved back home to NC- he was still in the military and still wanting that party life, one of us had to grow up- which one did? Well of course :) me or did I? Yes I did. So things were hard, here we were married and had not a clue of the other person, well yes I cant say that, I knew what he was, as the abuse started early on. Now fast forwarding a bit to February 2,1990 where a fight with him lead me to be in labor.... at about 24-26 weeks pregnant! I will continue later :)

Friday, January 16, 2009

Hey everyone! This is the first post and the quickest :) LOL I am dedicating this page to my two boys, I have not always been there for them, but I want them to know that I was in my own way, with this I would like to start at the beginning of their lives and fast forward to now! So bear with me, there will be alot in here: not always happy, but not all sad and dramatic either, so I welcome one and all and hope my boys will follow this! OHHHHHH and a BIG, HUGE THANK YOU to my girl, Freda!! You ROCK, SISTAH!! Without you I would not of been able to do this, so boys here we gooooo :)